Really Cool! (LOL) LOVES THE LORD! in-line skating blogging IMing singing and more
Really Boo! (LOL) HATES satan! Dislikes eatingcelery&ginger pilesofhomework and more
Really Drool! (LOL) Hillsong CD iPodwirelessamplifier ZIGs&Tiera&Souffle&Aqualip&Popart and MANYMANYMORE
And I am assured of my future that lies in God's hands
Not a very fruitful time. Not really able to study/focus much, but still got stuff done. Exams were quite okay except malay music and french. But by God's grace still managed xD But that's not why I'm posting today. I have a special purpose. The results of the leadership camp are out. In class, JJ & Huiyi got into PrefectorialB and Elaine to PeerSupportB. I don't know how I feel about it. After the results were announced, and Yunan, Steph, myself, Vivian, Shauna, Lee Voon were taking the 'depresing walk' back to class. I don't know; but I didn't feel anything. They were kind-of emo-ing about it. And I said, "Actually I'm quite happy. But maybe I'm so sad I think I'm happy." I was really incoherent. And I started running (sprinting) to class. It was raining and it was the perfect atmosphere for a melancholic afternoon. But I sprinted. And I'm sure it felt good. It felt fantastic. And I knew I was disappointed with the results after that sprint. But of course being the hard, emotionless person I am especially in front of others, I was alright. And I thank God. And today I realised that even after those results were announced that I have so much to be thankful for. 1. I thank God that the only thing on my mind when 111 was called was "Lord, let YOUR will be done in my life." 2. I thank God that He has taught me to take failure in my stride. 3. I thank God that He has once again reminded me of His promises for me, whatever they may be. I was thinking "Why, Lord?" I know this sounds really egoistic. And I do think I'm too egoistic for my own good, but people have told me that I have leadership. Whether I do have is totally another issue, this I must emphasize. And because of that I guess I always assumed that God would place me in a position. I don't really feel comfortable saying all this for all to see and all to read. Who knows maybe Ms Pica or some other random teacher may chance upon this. But I just have a compulsion to continue. ANYWAY, because I felt God would place me in a position, it was quite shocking for me. And I still don't understand what God's doing, and why He's doing this. But I accept that He has done this, and I also know that there's a verse (in Jeremiah.... I THINK) that says "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Or at least something to that effect. In my puny human understanding, there are 2 reasons why God could have done this: 1. This isn't my calling (or the wrong timing, as Steph rightly pointed out) 2. God wants to humble me (i.e. my calling, but He will make a way to fulfill it) And I think they are both equally possible. So well. Number 2 is very true because I'm a very very self-assured person and my ego is really very high but I'm very careful with what I say and how I say things, which is probably why I'm really getting quieter as I grow older. I was one terrible chatterbox when I was young. Maybe I still am; but when I am chatterboxy, I take care that what I say is all trash. Which is in the right context OKAY?! I thought I had plenty to say; maybe I don't. Anyway, I'll just entrust it into God's hands again, knowing He has the best plan. Oh yes. After my run, the thought that occupied my mind was "Is God real? Why did I do this and that thinking God will solve everything for me? What if God isn't real and I was stupid enough to believe?" I felt really bad for the disbelief. I've trusted God so much this year I guess I've surprised myself. This year has been such a rocky, I can even say TERRIBLE year for me, yet I don't feel an ounce of stress upon myself. I thank God. I don't know; if I hadn't known God, I might have killed myself. I'm not sure LARH! Just a wild guess. But this year has been bad for me, with all sorts of things happening to me and my friends but God has led me through!
THIS IS HOW WE OVERCOME
Your light broke through my night Restored exceeding joy Your grace fell like the rain And made this desert live.
You have turned my mourning into dancing You have turned my sorrow into joy
